My 117th Boston Marathon Racers’ Record Book, along with my “projected” finisher’s certificate, arrived in the mail today, stirring up a lot of mixed emotions. Instead of the words “successfully completed the 117th B.A.A. Boston Marathon” under my name on the certificate, it says “participated in the the 117th B.A.A. Boston Marathon”. For the first time in the history of the marathon, there are two sets of results in the record book; one set for “official” finishers and a second set for “projected” finishers. My name can be found in the record book listed with more than 5600 other “projected” finishers.

I know I should be proud of what I accomplished and I think in some ways, I am finally letting myself feel that pride. But it also makes me sad. And mad. Not at the B.A.A. for making this distinction, but at the individuals who denied me and so many others the opportunity to finish our race after months of training and sacrifices. I am again reminded of the emptiness that I have felt since April 15th. I don’t expect everyone to understand this, but I know that there are many who do.

One day, I hope to use this experience for something good. Until then, I will focus my energy on preparing for Boston 2014. What better way to honor the memory of the lives lost and the lives forever changed then to run my strongest and fastest Boston ever. That is how I will rise above and be “Boston Strong”.

“Every year athletes from around the world come to Boston, in the spirit of competition, camaraderie and community. Whether you completed the marathon in record time, or were denied the opportunity to finish, your spirit soared and joined all those who have ever made this, their marathon.

And next year on Patriots’ Day, it will again.”