Today I ran in Boston’s Run to Remember Half-Marathon, a race run to pay tribute to all Massachusetts law enforcement officers who have been killed in the line of duty. This was my third time running in this race since its inception nine years ago.

How strangely ironic that such a race was scheduled to be held in Boston, just six weeks after the tragedy at the Boston Marathon. How fitting that Boston’s first big event after the tragedy was a road race. How even more fitting that it be a road race run annually, on Memorial Day weekend, to pay tribute to the Massachusetts Law Enforcement Community and to honor those that have made the ultimate sacrifice. This race afforded the perfect opportunity to also pay tribute to the many thousands of first responders, volunteers and marathon organizers who saved so many lives that terrible day, and the law enforcement officials who brought justice to our city in the days that followed. And this race was the perfect opportunity to honor the memory of MIT Officer Sean Collier, to whom the race was dedicated this year.

For me, this race was also the perfect opportunity to take another step towards healing the (still) very large holes in my heart that I’ve had since the Boston Marathon. I suspect it will be a while, if ever, before those holes are completely gone.

Physically, I probably should not have run today. I have been nursing a nagging injury that I’ve had since the marathon and despite advice from my medical “advisor” (aka my PT brother Gary) to take a break from running for awhile, I chose to run this race anyway. There really was no choice for me – not running was never an option. I needed to do this more than anything. The only question was how I was going to approach preparing for the 13.1 mile run. I opted for a ‘less is more’ approach and did minimal runs over the last few weeks, my longest run being just 8 miles.

I wasn’t sure how the run would go today, and I was nervous I wouldn’t be able to finish. But if ever there was an instance of ‘mind over matter’, today was it. My mind, and my spirit were so strong, it really didn’t matter how prepared (or not prepared) I was physically. It was a very emotional run, and I did have to fight back tears a few times, finally giving in to them when running through the police officers lining Memorial Drive in front of MIT. But it was also a very inspirational, liberating and healing run.

And today I got my finish. I crossed that finish line with a heavy heart and a smile. And I finished on my own terms.

Photo courtesy of my son Ryan